I Hope I’m Loud

I had this patient yesterday who started off my morning a little rocky. It wasn’t even 8:00 in the morning, keep in mind. Although my patient was a little confused.

“Do you go out and party a lot?” my patient asked me.

My first thought was, “Gosh, do I look that tired – like I partied the night before? Are the bags under my eyes that obvious?” Surprised, I turned to my patient and said, “No! Not at all actually.{I actually worked yesterday, thank you very much}”

“Oh. You just kind of seem like the type.”

I was borderline insulted. Like, um, okay? I smiled and chuckled a little and asked, “What in the world makes you think that?”

“You just kind of seem like you can be the loud and obnoxious type.”

And then, silence fell. Well, what in the world. I had barely said one word to my patient that morning. Like I said, it wasn’t even 8:00 in the morning yet. I have never had someone tell me that before. I kind of just stared at my patient for a minute not knowing what to say. My brain wrestled with feelings of being insulted and feelings of wanting to burst out laughing. Eventually I laughed slightly, giving the benefit of the doubt, and turned back to the computer. “Well, I don’t know how you get that impression,” I ended up saying. I let it all slide; my patient didn’t mean anything by it, I’m sure. It’s just, that is certainly not what I have been doing this past year.

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When I go for a swim at the gym, I suppose I look a little out of place. I’m kind of used to being watched. I’m literally not saying this to brag, I just notice that people watch me when I swim, which is why I say I probably look a little out of place. I mean, I’m swimming laps, and all four strokes, while some are walking back and forth, some are barely making it one length of the pool. That is totally fine, but I look like a swimmer. I get done swimming some butterfly and people notice. I had one guy look at me from across the pool and say, “That is amazing!” Of course, I always smile and say thank you, then continue with my workout. But, the main reason I swim is to be alone with the water. When I’m in the water, it’s just me and the pool. My non-stop thoughts are quieted by the sounds of my breathing and my limbs entering the water. I feel lightweight, I feel in control of my body. After everything that has happened this past year, the pool is a place where I feel strong as I propel my body through the water with the technique I never lost. I may not do as much yardage as I used to, but it feels good to be “home” for a bit. For a while, my thoughts are interrupted as I concentrate on moving through the water. The only things I can hear are when I breathe, my kick, and the muffled sounds of the outside area as I move across the pool.

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When my patient said that to me yesterday, I was borderline insulted, but it occurred to me today that in regards to my faith, I hope I’m loud. Not obnoxious, that’s not my goal, but I hope I’m loud about my faith. I hope I’m loud about how God has brought me through life.

When I’m watched at the gym in the pool, I’m flattered that people take the time to comment on my swimming, but I also know and hope that people watch me in life. I hope people watch the kind of lifestyle I have and want to learn more. I hope people notice a few different things about me.

I have hit some very low points in my life. One of them being this past year. I struggled with life in general. I struggled with pain, with depressive and intrusive thoughts, with exhaustion. I even struggled with nursing a little bit with everything I was going through. But, through all that, I hope I’ve been loud about my faith. I hope I’ve been loud about who has carried me through – Jesus. This world needs Jesus desperately, and I hope people see Him in me when they watch me go through life. That is my ultimate goal. God’s intervention has been so evident in my life from even before I was born. Yes, I’ve had some rough spots. Yes, I have been weak. Yes, my body has failed me time and time again. However, here I am, still standing, because of what Jesus has done in my life. I hope that is evident in my life. I hope it always will be. Are you loud about your faith? Just some food for thought.

Also, in case you have missed all of my OBNOXIOUS facebook posts about the JDRF walk in October (haha), please consider donating to my team!

My personal goal is to raise $1000, and I am at $400 thanks to my donors so far (you guys ROCK! THANK YOU SO MUCH)!!! My team goal is $2000 and we are at $900!!!!! (wow!)

Please help me achieve my goal and help fund a cure and advocate for all of the type 1 diabetics out there. We go through so much on a daily basis, and thanks be to God that I have been this healthy for so long! Please follow the link below to donate! Even just $10 helps! Thank you so much!

http://www2.jdrf.org/site/TR?fr_id=6361&pg=personal&px=9538712

“But, ‘Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.’ For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.”

-2 Corinthians 10:17-18