Gratitude in a World of Hurt

So, I know I haven’t written a blog post in quite a while. Today I really just want to talk about being grateful. My life, as most of you know, has been relatively rough since I moved to Colorado Springs. I was dealing with so many emotions, so many issues.

But today, I would like to just take a moment and praise Jesus. I am in such a better place than I was a year ago. Last year my prayer life was struggling, my attitude had an unhealthy amount of apathy, and I just couldn’t get excited about my future. Many of you are saying that I had a good reason for these things. Maybe so. Being diagnosed with MS was probably one of the hardest things I have ever been through, and I’m sure I have many more difficulties ahead in regards to it. But at this moment? I am just full of gratitude that my parents raised me in faith. I am so grateful that I have had type 1 diabetes my whole life. In a way, it made this other negative addition to my health slightly more bearable. I am so grateful that even in the roughest time after my diagnosis, I didn’t cross certain lines that my heart knew needed to be kept untouched. Although some other, smaller lines were crossed, the big ones weren’t, which is what matters, especially in the state of mind I was in. I’m so grateful I knew deep down in my heart that God was there. And, I am so grateful for His faithfulness when I can’t keep it together.

As for this glucose sensor, I’ve hit quite a few hiccups. I’m not wearing one right now. But, I was dealing with inaccuracies in  regards to my blood sugar. It was waking me up throughout the night quite often telling me that my blood sugar was low, when, in fact, it was quite normal. I was waking up many mornings frustrated and sleep-deprived. Eventually, I had enough. I’ve been trying to switch sensors, but my insurance will only pay for one a year, so I have to wait until next summer to get my glucose sensor. I felt extremely discouraged this morning after hearing that.

However, back to being grateful… everything in my life right now is coming together (besides that darn sensor). I am so glad I have faith in a world that is so upside down. It’s amazing how God answers prayer. Looking back at this last year, I remember feeling so betrayed. I remember feeling so angry. I remember feeling so hopeless. My foundation had been shaken to the very structure. As I gradually started to rebuild that foundation, I began to heal. I began to see the blessings in my situation. My faith has very deep roots. And although I felt as though the tree was completely cut down and had to grow from scratch, those roots were still firmly planted in the ground. It was a little shaky on the way up, but I am so much stronger because of it. My prayers changed. They no longer consisted of – “God, why have you allowed this to happen? Take this away from me. I don’t know how you expect me to deal with this.” Now, they sound more like – “Lord, there is a reason for this. Forgive me for my anger. Help me fight the temptation to give up. I’m sorry I strayed from you for a little while.”

It’s amazing that I’ve gradually been able to tell my story without bursting into tears or having to take a second to curb my emotions. It’s amazing that I have gradually felt stronger than ever. It’s amazing that now, the way I feel about my faith, is more sure than ever. God is taking care of me. He is not finished with me. And it’s amazing that certain prayers are being answered, one year later. I am so grateful that those roots were planted so firmly, so long ago. I’m so grateful I can tell people, “God has this” with a smile. I’m grateful that I have now truly understood the meaning of giving thanks in all situations. Not that it has been easy, it certainly hasn’t. I’ll still have my sleepless nights and never-ceasing worries regarding the future, but, like I said, I’m grateful I can finally remind myself that God has this, like he does everything else. I have so much gratitude that even in such a fallen world, God truly makes His promises new every morning. Thanks for reading.

“When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”

-Psalm 94:18-19

“As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your saving acts all day long – though I know not how to relate them all. I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign Lord; I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone. Since my youth, God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.”

-Psalm 71:14-17