Love. Relationships. Dating. Marriage. It’s everywhere, isn’t it? If you’re anything like me, it’s kind of frustrating sometimes. And, it’s not that you or I are unhappy for that person or that couple, it’s just, you wonder when that’s going to be you.
I’m 23. I have a lot of time to find that someone. And, I know that, deep down. It doesn’t change the fact, however, that the people around me in their mid-20s are quite busy with getting engaged, getting married, even having children. Like I said, it’s everywhere – on social media, in the workplace, even in movies.
I was in Las Vegas this last weekend. It was a crazy trip, let me tell you. I loved it (mostly seeing the Backstreet Boys); it was definitely an adventure. And, yes, one night it did include getting hit on by drunk guys. We interrupted a bachelor party. Not exactly my area of expertise, or an experience I’m particularly fond of. Bars and drinking aren’t really my thing.
But, in that situation, one guy told me something that sort of reverberated with me. He said something along the lines of, “You strike me as a girl who is taken, who knows what she wants. Is there a boyfriend you’re not telling me about?” Taken aback, I told him that I wasn’t seeing anyone. “Really?” he asked with genuine surprise.
“I’m just a little guarded…dating just isn’t really on my radar at the moment…” I started to say, then I trailed off, unsure of what to say.
“I wouldn’t say guarded…” he began; “Who broke your heart?” he asked with a knowing smirk.
I chuckled a little, thought you don’t even know me, and started to say, “It’s not really about heartbreak-“. At that moment our conversation was interrupted by his friends, and I stopped talking.
I realized something in the last couple of days. He’s not the only person to tell me that I sometimes seem a little standoff-ish. I don’t mean to be. Maybe it was because I was uncomfortable in the bar, but it’s something more. There is so much more to me than he cares about.
You’re darn right I’m guarded.
Boys you meet in bars, or even on the street, nowadays, generally don’t take kindly to my way of thinking. I’m a young Christian woman, committed to saving sex for marriage, not into the hook-up culture of my generation, not interested in getting drunk, and not interested in meaningless relationships. Maybe that sounds harsh. Not everybody is like that, I know (trust me, I know). I am just tired of explaining myself to people. At one point one of the [drunk] friends told me that I needed to “loosen up” a little and have a drink. When he put his arm around my waist and pulled me toward him, I quickly disengaged, and he asked, “What? You don’t like it baby?”
I didn’t particularly feel like explaining that I’m a type 1 diabetic and that alcohol is generally a bad idea. I didn’t feel like explaining that even if he did buy me a drink, I wouldn’t be going home with him. I didn’t feel like explaining that I have MS and even the thought of drinking and feeling off-kilter (even slightly) is terrifying to me. I didn’t feel like enduring the surprise, disbelief, and judgement I get from telling people I’m a virgin. Especially not when my trip was only a few days long. Not that I would tell him that, but it inevitably comes up when a guy is trying to get you to go home with him.
If you’re like me, you’ve lost some hope in this generation. Even on the plane ride home, a nice young gentleman and his friend sat next to me, they smelled of alcohol, and at one point asked me if I had ever had sex in an airplane bathroom. Help. He wasn’t propositioning me, just asking a question, but all the same, it took everything to not roll my eyes at him. Granted, this was Vegas, but that doesn’t matter. This happens to girls everywhere, no matter what state you live in.
If you’re like me, you’re just a little discouraged. Everybody around you seems like they are finding happy endings, and you are still waiting for yours. If you’re a young Christian woman, this dating world can seem hopeless. Now, I’ve met plenty of guys who love the Lord, who are wonderful people, and who would never do things like what I just described above. I know that. They’re out there. But even to them, explaining myself takes a lot of courage and energy. Trying to explain what I went through with my MS diagnosis, trying to explain my faith and my moral values, trying to explain that I’m afraid of someone running for the hills when they find out about my health conditions – because people have. The reason I act like I “know what I want” is because I do. And, I don’t want something fleeting. I have to be strong, for my own sake. I have to be careful, because I don’t have the luxury of a body that recovers from things quickly, despite my young age and healthy appearance.
There is nothing wrong with having a drink and having some fun, please don’t misunderstand me. Luckily, I can take care of myself when it comes to drunk boys at the bar. I don’t have any issues saying no. It’s just hard to be out there, wanting to get to know people, and having to defend yourself all at the same time. It’s exhausting. If you’re anything like me, I’m just here to tell you that you are not alone. It’s hard to “trust in God’s plan” and that “the right person will come along” when it’s happening to other people all around you. For me, sometimes I still feel like instead of getting to enjoy graduation and really dig my roots into Colorado Springs, I was busy dealing with the aftermath of my hospitalization and trying to re-learn my body all over again. That’s hard.
And, this is also to the good guys that I know are out there. You are needed. You are very refreshing. You are sometimes very hard to find in today’s world. But, thank you for being you. Bottom line of all this is, patience is a very hard virtue to follow. But, just keep pursuing God. Good things will happen. And, if you have found your happy ending, I’m so excited for you! You’re very fortunate, and I wish you all the happiness in the world. Thanks for reading!
“God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.”