Actively Victorious

This last May I laid in my hospital bed listening to people telling me how somebody they knew with MS ran marathons or did some other crazy athletic activity. I smiled and nodded knowing they were just trying to provide me with encouragement when on the inside I scoffed and said to myself, “Impossible.” Laying there in that bed, not being able to walk correctly, an IV pouring steroids into my bloodstream, my eyes tired from crying and not getting any sleep, I didn’t believe a word they said.

For the first time since my diagnosis, I made my way to the gym at my apartment building this morning. I almost turned back to my apartment in the middle of walking there. But, I went, and I spent some time on the treadmill and elliptical. As I gingerly increased the speed of the treadmill, I smiled as I began to jog in a straight line without stumbling. Here I am, standing on my own two feet, being active, like I have been my whole life. I put my headphones in and listened to my ‘For King and Country’ Pandora station to remind myself just how far God has brought me. Every time I felt like stopping, I remembered how it is my duty to use the gifts God has given me and how important it is for me to stay healthy.

I went from gripping the side of the shower wall just to keep myself standing, to this.

I went from leaning on friends’ arms in order to walk, to this.

I went from trying to walk in a straight line and consequently failing, to this.

I went from lying in a hospital bed to working a 12 hour shift on my feet.

I went from literally being afraid to walk to finally jogging again.

I went from watching my feet while I was walking, to avoid stumbling, to keeping my head up and confidently moving forward.

I went from immediately laying back down when I sat up because I was too dizzy to move, to waking up cheerful in the morning.

I went from being angry at God to trusting Him to make good out of this.

I went from sobbing on my couch to taking a deep breath and praying for God to keep me strong.

 ph7

Now, I have no plans to become a marathon runner. But, stepping on that treadmill today took courage like it never has before. I almost cried tears of joy seeing how far God has carried me. I am a survivor in Christ. I’m amazed at how much I took for granted before this diagnosis, like walking and the ability to be actively exercising. I will never do that again. And I trust Him all the more. Thanks for reading.

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“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.”

-Psalm 139:1-6

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