Wait For It…

We’ve all been there. The start of a new semester. Overwhelming, am I right? It’s like every teacher tells you every assignment/project/exam you will have during the semester, and then tells you, “It’s so nice to meet all of you! We’ll have a great semester.” Meanwhile, you’re sitting there freaking out. I start my clinicals this semester, and this past week I was also given all of those expectations of skills that I will have to perform. I’m also starting a new job; I had job training last week and this week. So, I’ve been going through those expectations and duties. So, let’s just say that I have been slightly overwhelmed. NEW EVERYTHING.

That’s not to say that I’m not excited for what I’m going to get to learn and do for school. I am! But, in the midst of it, it’s all just so much. But I sat down and remembered when I applied for grad school and just prayed that I got in. I remember how much I wanted it. And, while I was on campus this week, I realized just how few of us actually are in the pediatric NP program because of how competitive it is. I was reminded that getting into school was exactly what I had prayed for. Guys, I had been thinking about getting into this program and doing this ever since high school. And here I am right in the middle of it. I’ve waited my whole life to have the education and position to take care of kids and families with type 1 diabetes. I read something the other day and it has stuck with me…

Are you complaining about something you prayed to God for?

Remember when you prayed for it with all of your heart?

There are two sides to this issue. Side 1 is complaining about it because it is inconvenient all of a sudden. Side 2 is waiting for whatever you prayed for to actually happen. I’ve written blog posts about waiting on God’s timing before. But, recently, I have found myself on both of these sides. I occasionally complain about school because, well, it can be stressful! And, I knew it would be. But, I asked for it! And I know God answered my prayer because it’s where I need to be in life. Lately, with school, I’m reminded that although I’m under a fair amount of stress, it’s where I want to be and I’m fortunate enough to be here! I don’t really like the word “lucky” because it took hard work to get where I am, but it was also an answer to prayer, not “luck.” I just know that when I’m done with it all, I’m going to love what I do. And, for now, that’s enough to get me through the stress.

But, there are other things in my life that I’ve prayed for and they’re just not happening. I get my hopes up, then nothing happens. Not only is this a roller-coaster of emotion, it’s hard because you know God has good things in store for you! But, you just have to wait for it. If you’re like me, you’re a pretty patient person. And, I really am. But sometimes being patient is so hard. Of course, I know I won’t always get the answer I want to my prayers. God knows what I need, and I’m content with that. But, it’s still hard when you want something so much. When your hope is misplaced, it makes it that much more disappointing when things remain stagnant. Maybe your hope isn’t misplaced, but you secretly want things to happen in your own timing. This world makes it hard to be patient for things. Being patient is one thing, but when God makes you wait, what do you do in the meantime?!

This verse spoke to me today when I was at church:

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

-Matthew 6:33-34

It was convicting for me. What are you actually doing in the waiting? Are you sitting and worrying about when or if it’s going to happen? Or, are you actively seeking God’s kingdom? Are you reading your Bible every day? Are you filling yourself up with worldly expectations or what God says? What does the verse say? Seek first his kingdom and righteousness, then these things will be given to you. If I’m completely honest, I’m not the greatest at reading my Bible every day. I go to church every week that I can, and I pray, but am I really doing the best I can to seek God’s kingdom? Probably not. And, this shouldn’t be news to you, but nobody is perfect. How much time do you spend worrying about your own timing or the world’s timing? Try and instead spend that time being receptive to God’s timing. That’s harder to do than it sounds. But, at the very least, it should be worth a try.

If you’re like me, you struggle to “be present in the present” because I’m always thinking about things in the future or trying to figure out why something didn’t work in the past. But actively seeking God means reminding yourself of His promises and concentrating on spiritual things, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to make yourself “be happy with the present!” The point is, hopefully the waiting becomes more God-centered rather than worldly. And then, the waiting won’t seem so endless. Food for thought!